Humerous Glossary of Computer Terms

A Short Glossary of Computer Terms

Assembly Language	Profanities used by people who build computers from kits. Such people are known as 'cursors' (see below).
Bug	1. Any type of insect.
	2. A parasite that infests software. It is transmitted by illicit congress between people and programs
Computer	A device used to speed and automate errors.
Crash	A Normal Termination.
Cursor	An expert in four-letter words.
Database	A special medium used to store errors, so that they can be processed and printed many times by the computer system. Sometimes called Input File or Data file.
Data Processing	An arcane fortune-telling method wherein one attempts to extract hidden meanings from numbers. Akin to numerology.
Debugging	Activities necessary to remove insects from any area where they are not wanted.
Disk Drive	Hardware part where errors are loaded from diskettes.
Diskette	A mobile accessory to store and transfer errors.
Downtime	Periods when a computer is acutely depressed and refuses to work.
Error	1. The act of buying a computer.
	2. The normal result of running a computer system.
Hardcoded	Computer program code that has been allowed to dry.
Hard Disk	Storage area for the most frequently used errors.
Input	See Throughput
Keyboard	An instrument used for entering errors into the system quickly.
Logic	Orderly path always followed by programs & errors.
Loop	See Loop.
Maintenance	Activities necessary to ensure that the system continues to produce errors and delay work efficiently.
Mouse	1. A small furry animal. Fond of analogs (see above).
	2. A device which allows easier & speedier access to errors.
Never-Never Land	1. Place where no one grows up.
	2. Place where programs love to go.
	Sometimes also called the Twilight Zone.
Output	See Input.
Password	The nonsense word taped to your terminal.
Printer	A device that prints computer errors on paper.
RAM	A male sheep.
Real Time	Whenever the computer isn't hallucinating.
Reboot	To repeatedly kick a faulty computer until it starts to work again.
Reset	A button on the computer which makes a program's trip to Never-Never Land easier. The only way of temporarily avoiding errors.
ROM	1. A Ram after a delicate operation.
	2. What programs do in Never-Never Land.
Screen	The part of the computer where errors are usually seen for the first time. Also the part programmers most love to break. The most ingenious feature of the Screen is the OFF switch.
	2. Parts of computer that cannot be kicked.
Sometime	Those occasions when a computer error message can be interpreted and understood.
Table-Lookup	A piece of furniture that has been attached to the ceiling.
Terminal	A computer about to die.
Throughput	See Output.
Turbo	A mode in which the computer compiles errors faster. May sometimes help programs to reach Never-Never Land.

CONTACT US

1-800-209-3616